Sunday, February 21, 2010

empty nest syndrome?...or other bollocks?

She is off to school in a few months, and wont be making stuff for me anymore...they will give her 'little kid' scissors to use, and will outline her art work before hanging it on the school wall..(I hate that!). Anyhoo, she is the last of the five babies and for the first time in fourteen years I am a bit lost. I am feeling a tad pannicky. She has been away at kindergarten three days a week and that is also a loss for me. I have not been child free for so long. Is this empty nest syndrome?. I find it hard to find meaning to the day-god! There is so much to do, housework, organisational stuff. But that is all bollocks. I want to earn money at the same time realising that I want to do so in order to validate myself in the eyes of my family and anyone else. Sad huh? (as in pathetic sad). I long for the 'spark'. What is the right thing for me? I know housework ain't where it's at. I ache for a space to work. I am frustrated, (and moaning about it). I ask myself (and you)...is the idea of little old me painting all day and night in a studio and exhibiting and selling work just a bit of idealistic crappo?, a dream that has kept me going during all these years of pre-school kid-life? Is it all too middleclass/idealistic/housewife bullshite?
This personal saga has somewhat diminished my drive and focus regarding my running. I am not running enough-making me feel even worse. The thing is,it is about my attitude, my head space. I am feeling old. Oh yah, to top it off, I finally had an eye test. I need to wear glasses permanently...(what a difference they have made). Everything I was seeing was a little blurry around the edges, my eyes were straining -near and far. I guess it explains the headaches and ache and sandpaper in the eyes. hmmm.....

5 comments:

  1. Yes i totally beleive you should pursue your painting.....damn you not having your studio yet....it needs to be done so you can move on...make it happen! Can you get your own loan to get it built?....have a studio building weekend, Lou, Reuben, Deane, just need to get all the materials together...this is important!
    And....am talking details about this tramp up the big mountain.....will keep you updated. xx

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  2. This is a transition time for you for sure! I've been through a few in the last three years and you WILL survive. Paint and keep running. I mean it, those two things will pull you through.

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  3. Glasses are very sexy (I wear them also)!!!

    You just take your time to adjust to everything..... you'll adapt, you'll paint, you'll run and you'll figure things out.

    We are all here behind you!

    Take time to breathe Cath, you are a very special woman, and you'll come out on top :-)

    xoxo

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  4. wow! Thanks so much. It's good to know...

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  5. I had 15yrs of babies and preschoolers when my last one went off to school too :) ... except we had a party to celebrate (whoops, did I just admit that? LOL). If you have a dream and have the life space to pursue it, do it! Dreams are what is life is made of, better a happy Mummy who greets the masses after school than a grumpy one who has been doing housework (or other non-dreamy activity) all day!

    (BTW, we just sent our oldest off to hostel living and varsity life a week ago - that felt pretty strange too!)

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