Thursday, February 26, 2009

Gratefulness....and jealousy.

God! (ess) It has been an age since I last blogged. I am sipping a beetroot, carrot and spinach juice (with a hint of garlic) while I write (finally). What has been happening huh? There is this: , and the following:
Well, as per my 'good Mother' theme, Izzy has begun tap dancing. I drop her off and...wait... in the car. Which is a good time to catch up on my reading...I am very grateful for the time to read. (Yep...Among the books I'm reading, is one on being grateful etc..)

I collect Paloma on Thursdays from kindergarten along with a wee friend of hers. The little friend does gymnastics after kindy so I thought Paloma may as well start with her. I take both of them and they bounce around for a while. I watch...(I'm grateful I have eyes...)

Drew has begun jazz dance. I'm grateful I do not have to drive her there, she catches a bus. (I do have to pick her up though.)
Gosh! Did I tell you that Deane is slowly working the digger down to the space the studio will occupy! I think he realised it would (American accent), if I were to continue excavating with my pick axe. So he is going to try to get his digger down the steep bank to the studio space. I am eternally grateful...
One book I am reading at the moment is 'Blink' (the power of thinking without thinking by Malcolm Gladwell). It has made me think (haha...without really thinking) how, when I do judge people, (which I judge myself harshly for...judging them...hmmmm) that I am probably right. According
to Blink, you can judge a book by it's cover. Therefore, I have been trying not to ignore my instinctive feeling about individuals, and have been looking more closely to the kids, sort of like listening in the spaces...listening to what they are really saying, when they are whinging and arguing with me, or each other. For example, when Izzy is screeching that she does...."not want Paloma at my birthday party...and if Paloma does come to my birthday, she, Paloma will certainly not be allowed my birthday food..." (true story-happened today); I have to listen to what the kid is not screeching..i.e the space's. And what the space's are telling me in this instance is that Izzy is fudging jealous of Paloma and cannot work out her own het up, confused, tangled emotions with regards to her little interloper sister. Further, we all know, that the basis of all negative emotion is fear. So, if i reduce Izzy' s large, confused angry outpouring's regarding Paloma eating her birthday food, (or not as the case may be), Izzy is fearful of not getting as much love/attention as Paloma on, especially her birthday. I am a genius. And I also feel for the kid. She was the youngest,spoilt baby for three whole years and then, bam! Along comes Paloma and ruins it all. Izzy has never gotten over it. Here is yet another true story...When Paloma was only a few weeks old, I was breast feeding her while Izzy the three year old, sat at the bench eating toast. It was quite peaceful, or so I thought, but little Izzy was jealously fuming. She piped up in her cute baby voice..." I want to kule yooo.."
Me: " what? you want to kiss (hopefully said) me?"
Izzy: " want to kule yoouuu..wiv a ife...."
The child also wanted to 'kule' (kill) the baby and eat her...with the same knife I suspect.
The other kids never had a problem with any younger sibling. I am thinking it is because the three year gap was the longest, the other three were only at the most eighteen months apart...too young for jealousy. I digress.
Oh is a major thing for Izzy. Life and love is all about food. Gotta love it. She used to hum while she ate.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The good enough mother?

One of my goals for this year, generally, is to be a 'better Mother'. That entails for me, supporting the kids more in their pursuits...ahem, which means of course, I spend rather a long time in the car, dropping kids off, and picking them up. Or I wait around a lot. I also write a lot of cheques. Izzy had her first tap dancing lesson yesterday. She had been thumping around the wooden floorboards (ouch) for nearly a year. Her mantra has been, "when can I start tap lessons? can I start tap lessons soon? Do you like my tap dancing...(thump thump on the floor)". The kid was buzzing at the end of her lesson, eyes lit, face flushed. Her lesson finished, we had to race through rush hour traffic through Newtown to the city in time for my singing lesson. I didn't have time to drop her home. We had 30 minutes to make what would (in normal traffic) be fifteen minutes. It took forty minutes. There was an accident. We were cut from three lanes to two. I was late. After singing, I dropped the singing teacher off,( her car was broken down) and picked Deane up from his work, we arrived home by 7.30pm. And no! Dinner was not cooked, the house was not clean and homework was not done. Neither was violin, guitar, piano and drum practice done....(ummm....another of my 'good mother' things is to be a hard-ass when it comes to music practice. It must be done...).
Paloma had her four hour kindy session! ...four whole hours to myself!...guess what I did?
...Yep, I bet you got it right. I was a parent help on a kindy zoo trip. I was amongst 45 three and four year olds. Holding hands, directing, smiling, pointing out scratchy bum'd chimp's, baby giraffes, otters, tuatara's, gecko's, and non-fierce lions. I have never done a parent help trip before, because I have always been either pregnant with babys or toddlers, or one of everything at the same time...errr anything to get out of parent help.
I have admiration for pre-school teachers. I wonder why they do it..actually I wonder how they do it. Maybe they're all mad.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The sevens, and morning kindy...

The sevens! Men in short shorts! Men dressed as women, women wearing not much really. The first day, the whole exuberant experience was overwhelming for little ol' me and I arrived home with a thumping headache, completely exhausted, wondering how to get my face back.

The next day ended, and although I was physically in a better state, emotionally I was gutted! New Zealand lost in the last seconds, to England. I couldn't even stand and applaud the English. Tears ran down my blue face. I admit it...I'm a bad sport.

My legs felt sore as though I had been for a run, because I was was up off my seat oh, about every ten seconds. Dancing or...whatever....

The stadium really has got a captive audience regarding food...Yuck! The only thing on offer...(at huge prices) are chips, fish (or something swimming in batter and fat) and burgers. Viola! Thats it. The second day we bought in sushi, nuts, and salad rolls. So our health fared better. For more excitement on the sevens,

As for getting my life in order, which is my major aim this year, I started Paloma in new kindergarten. Why? ..because they were the only one with out a waiting list for morning kindy. It is a bit of a hike to get there, but I am free! ...sort of...for a short time...

I kinda wasted today, which was my long four hour break. I went to the gym for my balance class, then met the girls at cubitta. We talked and laughed until I had to pick Paloma up. It was relaxing but I did not ACCOMPLISH anything. This will change will be a great time to go for a long run...

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The garden, the Schools, and stuff being done...

Just look at my garden, and yes!, the little yellow tomato's are lovely and sweet and juicy. There are a ton of them on the vine..I am so proud. My garden is looking lush and scented with tomato and sweet peas, with a umm... hint of compost.
This afternoon, before the rain pissed down, I grabbed a few leaves of Kale, one comfrey leaf, and I Juiced them with carrot and apple. Delicious and of course, healthy. I am down to only one veg juice per day, but now SCHOOL HAS STARTED, I will be more organised.
My garden is far too small to feed our family in a serious way. The garden needs to be about three times larger.

School started for the little loves. I feel relief, and ready for the grind. Drew and Harry were the most nervous, both starting college and intermediate, respectively. I was a tad anxious for them too. We were all very brave.
This year I am being super organised. I have got the family diary sorted. Everyone writes their appointments in it. Then I carry my own diary with me, where I write their stuff, and schedule my stuff in amongst their stuff. Because of course, most stuff they do, I have to do too. I also schedule stuff on the big blackboard, and also have a separate diary for my exercise. I have a book where I write everything I eat, and a small notebook where I write my gym workouts.
As I write this I realise how um...uptight I am. I don't feel uptight, but I would if I didn't have my diary's, notebooks, and blackboards I guess.
And here I am, blogging it all down so as to have a record of that too...what's with that?!