Friday, November 21, 2008

"I didn't do it".

Bart SimpsonImage via Wikipedia This journey through Motherhood, has me on my knees. No, not begging for more-but begging for a holiday. I think a month would do it. Okay, maybe two. I walked out this morning to the kitchen, (5.15am) to the jumble of the night before. A dinner plate on the couch, a cup on the floor, random teaspoons and forks placed anywhere but the dishwasher. Lettuce on the table, a rotton apple in the sink. (The compost bin is not an easy enough below..) There are rabbits face down under the table, a dog behind the horrible chair and Paloma's 'blanky' on the floor near the door.( No body could find the blanky last night.)
The washing basket is on the ugly blue couch and the clean yet unfolded clothes are piling up on the space-wasting treadmill behind it. My Mother eye follows the general mayhem of my house. As Bart says, 'I didnt do it". And the children will all be in unison with him. They didnt do it either.
Yet... I have to clean it up..again and again and again. And this is why I need a 'break'.
I feel a need of a mental,spiritual feast, where no small person is going to ask me where their sock is while I am meditating, or ..thinking..or trying to be. I feel a bit wrung out. I understand I am not actually wrung out...the feeling is all of my creation. I take full responsibility for it-I also take full responsibility for fixing it. I guess this is why I am in this state -of-mind. I have not taken a break for a lot of years, in fact the longest I have been away from the mess and my little loves, is while I was hurtling myself through the 267kilometers of the COAST TO COAST race in Febuary. What a holiday!..Yes it really was..loved it. But a yoga retreat sounds good to me now. At the moment.
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  1. yes yes yes,stop this world and let me off I've had justtoomany things of the same old sloth!
    (thats how Ihear the words anyhow) my god, last month I thought I was about to combust, but this day (again, dogday), I truly think Iam,i cannot even think ofmeditating am sojammmed up the arse andout the nostrils.....when you find that magical sum of money to get away...andall the other things...takeme with you....

  2. sure will anon! maybe its not about the magical sum of money but more about the magical us..that spark that blowing a kids nose and cleaning spilt stuff off the floor 20 times a day puts out. ya know what i mean. saying that- money does equal freedom of choice and all ya

  3. yes...must stop focusing on the MONEY thing.....its all about 'us'! this much is true.....but when I'm a six pack without the plastic thingy tis hard to keep focus when I'm being tossed about at the bottom of the car......(i thought that was quite funny)...but then again...this is all about YOU, not me.....hope you had a good run it is torrentially pissing down here!!!

  4. hey yeah.gotcha. I did have a good run, the gale had me just slow-motion running at times..very exciting to have the priviledge to run like that....